The Long Dark Night Of Willow Rosenberg
by Angelholme
Summary: Willow sits in her room, thinking about the events of the day....


_'The moons up, and the suns down. A thousand starry eyes have caught me crying'_

She had found an old album in her mothers collection. She had put it on and sat back to listen, still thinking about her year. It was nearly that long since she had first met Malcolm. And yet it seamed so much longer. Nearly a lifetime had passed since that day, and she felt infinitely old.

_'You don't die of a broken heart, you just lie down and give up trying'_

Though Buffy and Xander had tried to comfort her with their own failed attempts at love on the Hellmouth, she had fallen in to despair for a long while after that. She had gotten used to the fact that Xander would never be hers - a lifetime of shared moments and history would prevent him from making the leap from friend to boyfriend - but she still wanted him. It was as intrinsic as night following day. When Malcolm had come along it was like a new hope - a ray of sunshine through the clouds of misery. But this being Sunnydale and all it was never that simple.

_'Its all gone, but the memories come back to me in shattered pieces'_

And now she had a new batch of horrors to content with. Her first thought was not of herself but of Buffy. She was in mourning for the death of her love. Even in the funk she was in Willow could still find a little humour in the thought that even the Slayer had high-school problems. Most guys who get to have their wicked way with a girl don't call the morning after. At least Buffy knew why Angel wasn't calling. True to life he had turned in to a monster after taking her. Ok - so most guys did not literally turn in to monsters, but the thought was there. Willow still shivered at the confrontation in the corridor. She had gone back to the school to talk to... to talk to Xander

_'Your smile grows, your eyes shine and my loneliness for you increases'_

She had avoided thinking about him for a while, but now she could not avoid it. Since Career Week she had been occasionally dallying with Oz. It could go somewhere. His induction in to the group at Buffy's party was a big step in their... well relationship would have to do for now, even though they had not really had much time together. He was nice, and she could see the possibilities in it. But he was not Xander. He was not the childhood friend turned in to the wonderful man she now knew. He could not laugh about the time they had gone to the park, only to end up in the pond to avoid a bee swarm. He could not sympathise with her when she remembered Fluffy - the bunny she had had as a kid. While she didn't doubt he could be a good friend, a friend she could go to if she needed help, she knew he could never fill the hole that Xander could. But Xander wouldn't - not now. He said it was nothing - that it was only kissing. But with Her ?

_'Its going to be a long night, all night. Its such a long hard fight'_

They had grown up together, but when they entered high school she and Xander had gone one way, and Cordelia Chase the other. And, as if to hide her past associations, Cordy had taken every chance she could to put down, ridicule and generally destroy her former friends. For a while Willow had cared, hurting at the words. But in the past few years she had grown strong enough to ignore it. Chalk another thing up to her friendship with the Slayer - after facing vampires, demons and warlocks Cordy was never going to be as much of a threat as she used to be. At the same time as her inner strength came to the surface, Cordelia's bantering tailed off a little. Maybe it was the arrival of Buffy The Psycho Loon that had drawn Cordy's attention from her, or maybe the new sense of purpose Willow possessed. Whatever it was a great release for Willow. But now it was all back again - Cordelia hurting her, but this time it was far more pain than before, but with far less venom

_'Keeping the teardrops out of sight'_

They had hidden it from their friends - if Cordy thought of them as that. Since the day the had been trapped in the basement of Buffy's house Cordy and Xander had been - dating ? He denied it - so did she. But the looks on their faces said otherwise. He told her it meant nothing, but she knew he was lying. And that was the problem - the two of them were being so nice to her it hurt. Xander was being nice because he thought she was hurting over his rejection. Cordy was being nice - well there could be any number of reasons Cordy was being nice. Out of spite - she knew she had won, so now she could afford to be magnanimous. Out of kindness - Willow as a friend of Xanders, so Cordy wanted to try too. Maybe she had begun to realise that the losers of the school were actually nice people, and she was sorry for the way she had acted in the past. The thought of that brought another short smile to her face - Cordy feeling regret ? That would be the day.

_'Waiting for morning light'_

She looked out the window of her room. Day was breaking again. She used to love dawn and dusk. They were magic times of the day - when anything was possible. At dusk the day, with all its mistakes, words misspoken and broken promises was over, and the time of dreaming was coming. At dawn it was a new day, and though bad things may happen there was an equal chance for good. Now she could not stand either. Since the Slayers arrival she had learned to fear dusk - the cover of daylight was over and the vampires would be out to feed. And daybreak meant only another day to face Buffy's sadness, and Xander and Cordy's apparent joy. Even with the possibility of meeting Oz she knew the day ahead was going to bring more sadness than joy, a thought that brought the fresh sting of tears to her eyes.

She curled up for a moment, glad that the night was over, and that she could lose herself in the prosaic reality of school.

_'Its going to be a long night...'_

xXxXxXx

(Lyrics from a song by The Kids From Fame)


End file.
